Confession time: For the last month or more, my blog posts have become fewer and further between, and if you follow me on social media you might have noticed I’m posting less often. As many creative people know and experience, there can periods of creatively “fertile” and “fallow” times where the connection to our muse might be stronger or weaker. I’ve definitely been experiencing some fallow times, and though I’ve been more or less productive in my vocation as a photographer and keeping myself busy, I’m feeling a bit disconnected from the things that inspire me. Like, I just don’t care about things I used to care about.
As I’ve alluded to in earlier posts, I’ve been battling Lyme disease for a number of years, as well as another digestive ailment that’s had a pretty significant impact on my physical well-being and energy levels. I don’t talk about this stuff much unless someone specifically asks about it, and I’m loathe to discuss it on social media for all sorts of reasons. But in general, the ways in which these ailments impact my day-to-day life are that I’m less social, always tired and barely physically active, emotionally sensitive, self-conscious about my body, self-isolating. These things have an effect on my work as a photographer in a number of ways, many of them subtle and difficult to pin down. But in general, I feel sapped of creativity because I’m just goddamn tired all the time.
And just to add some more fun to the mix, I’ve gone back into therapy to address some long-standing emotional issues and patterns that have become problematic. I’ve got a great therapist who uses some innovative techniques that have allowed us to dig into some deep stuff, but as anyone who’s engaged the therapeutic process knows, when you start digging, the dark shit comes up. Some of it is pretty fucking dark. Some people draw creative inspiration from those dark places, but I tend to be the opposite. Melancholy and depression tend to sap mine.
It’s only fair to point out that I’ve also been working steadily, making photographs and sustaining my business & livelihood. I’ve been taking little trips here and there, trying to keep myself outdoors as much as possible, and generally maintaining my life so that, at least from the outside, things look like they’re swimming along just fine. I feel good that I’m able to sustain the important things in my life and remain functional and engaged enough to keep it all going. There’s lots to be grateful for, and it’s good to remind myself that things could always be worse.
Here’s some samples of the last month’s adventures:
A trip to Sacramento to shoot the band Chrch
A trip to Tahoe to celebrate three years with Megan
Exploring the coast and backroads
Spent some time at the Home Place on the Ranch
Hung with some friends on tour from Europe
And a quick overnight back to Tahoe